omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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