i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Even my vagina gasped.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
