I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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