Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
