We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
