So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
