i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He passed out mid-signature
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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