I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
