I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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