for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
