I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
