Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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