Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
