Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
