Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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