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The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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