The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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