yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.