ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night