doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...