i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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