sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
