Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am