Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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