tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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