I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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