she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
