How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
