Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
