I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
