I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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