oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
