you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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