in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
