My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
