I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
