he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
