i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
