Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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