If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
