Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
