I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
