thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
