I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
