We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize