maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
