just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
