Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think your dad took our porno
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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