We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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