I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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