Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
