Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize