You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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