it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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