is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
