Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
