You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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