Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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