he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
