two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
