I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
