do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
