i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
