Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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