the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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