she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
