When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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