my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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