my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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