I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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