This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
