dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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