you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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