Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
