Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
