he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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