very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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