She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
