i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
