Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
